NOSTALGIA

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You challenge the acres of earth you know better than the backs of strangers you see in subway cars to remain exactly as you remember it, or that it reassemble itself in its former perfection sometime soon when you aren't looking out the moving window and into the street, the problem being that you're always looking for something new that you've overlooked over the years of luxuriating in a habit of mind that no dies or goes hungry and that your years coming up to the proper height for carnival rides contained that final part of pain , suffering and hard decisions with options that make everyone cry and that the smoke would only need to clear one more time and the acres of heartache become again all the glistening beaches and majestic mountains and peerless skylines from which all great rivers and bustling originate and return to again, you kiss a crucifix, do the sign of the cross, say a prayer containing no sounds but only sounds from the stomach that get caught in the throat and sounds like the gargling chorus of electric razors in mornings when your father was home from the war and mother was smoking cigarettes and drinking her scotch neat, no nice, at parties that began with air kisses , evolved into laughter and wound up with a black eye and some broken glass in the swimming pool, this needs to stay as it was, the world cannot collapse and rise again with new ruins and imperfect poets, all those days when your eyes were closed when the garbage trucks neared with their grinding gyres, everything has been returned which was old, you close your eyes when the leaf blowers and tree trimmers rev up their versions of Shiva caustic shiver, you've holding the door open for too many years, yes, yes, this elevator is going up.